Today I have Sean Beaudoin here to do a guest post! His book, The Infects, came out Tuesday! Please help me welcome him to the Books Make Great Lovers stage....
So, yeah, I was sort of an odd kid. But at least I was consistent. Because when I turned eleven and was taken to my first zombie film (Dawn of the Dead. Thanks, Dad!) I immediately started rooting for the zombie hoard. They looked parched. And dirty. They needed a bath and a shave. Even the women. I wanted them to get the humans. I wanted them to take over the city. I wanted their desires to be met, their flesh orgies to be fun, their ceaseless human-free shambling to come to a protein-filled end.
But mostly, I’ve always wanted to know what happens when there’s no one left to fight back or hide or barricade themselves in basements. When there’s no one left to brain zombie skull with baseball bats or run screaming through the woods. What happens after the last human is eaten? Do all the zombies suddenly look up and shrug? Do they shuffle around purposelessly for months, years, decades? Do they just lie down and never get up again?
I want to see a movie about post-human zombie society, where the zombie leaders all come together like the United Nations and decide what their stated goals and resolutions are. How they eventually get over their differences and build school and hospitals and libraries. How they start to get fat and comfortable, watching reality TV and giving each other the finger on the highway.
When the zombies win, we all win.
Because then we are them, and they are us.
Just with worse breath.
Seriously, though? If I were a zombie I’d get a diamond encrusted grill made and grow my sideburns out and hang out downtown in a silk sweat suit, watching the girls walk by and just basking in the knowledge that finally the right side got a fair shake.